On Friday my arm with the PICC was quite painful, but no-one was overly concerned because it was only inserted on Monday. Over the weekend, though, a 15cm section of my arm became swollen, red, hard, hot, and agonising. I was fobbed off by nurses and SHOs until Saturday evening when a reg came to review me. He tried to fob me off too, so I went into 'Midwife Mode' and asked: if I developed sepsis from a clear source of infection into a central vein, would he be happy to defend his plan of 'let's keep it in and see how it goes' for a neutropenic patient? It then got removed, I had another cannula put in, and I'm back on IV antibiotics. It's still very painful, and I'm spiking a temperature.
I'm also feeling very wobbly (in every sense!) - I keep lurching between feeling privileged for being alive, to terrified about how things so easily could have turned out very differently, to frustrated at my loss of independence, to overwhelmed by the patience and love my family and friends have shown me, to guilty for putting pressure on them, to being paralysed with fear about all aspects of my future, to absolute determination to make it all right, and then, finally, to really wanting a cuddle with Jaws to make it all better.
Again, a huge thank you for all of your support. When I have moments where I think I can't cope, I read your messages and cards and feel better. Thank you.
Love Emily x
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