Days 12 & 13

Yesterday I went to theatre to have a PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) line inserted. I'm still very sleepy and needing a lot of analgesia - I had no idea it would be so painful. It's also been inserted in my right arm so until it becomes less painful I have almost no power on that side.

I've been struggling to stay positive recently: although I realise I'm lucky to be alive and only lost the use of one limb, hopefully only temporarily, it's still very hard to accept. I'm getting used to being in hospital (and will stay here for the near future) which has become my 'new' life, but I don't think there's going to be much of my 'old' life waiting for me when I get out. Still, I haven't got a choice, so I'm just going to have to look incredibly hard for some silver linings.

For this reason, I'm going to take a bit of a break from Facebook and won't be posting updates on there. I don't expect for a second that other people should stop succeeding at being a midwife, relationships or being happy - or being proud of it and sharing it on social media - but when my greatest achievement is 'I sat in a wheelchair for 1.5 hours, and then slept for 7', well, it doesn't feel great. 

I'm going to keep updating this as often as I can though, and hopefully it won't be long until I feel more positive and less bitter and will be back on Facebook :)

Love Emily x