It looks like summer has finally arrived! I'm finding this great from a pain perspective; I've learned cold weather is my enemy, and I've not needed morphine for more than 6 weeks. On the down side, the temptation to start wearing flip flops and pretty summer shoes got the better of me. I've discovered that not only do I struggle to keep them on, but I'm also getting some pretty impressive injuries on my feet. The sensation in them is rubbish, so the instinct which tells you "this hurts, therefore stop doing it" isn't there any more.
It feels so strange to think 6 months ago I was immobile in Kettering. It's starting to feel like it was a different world - I don't feel under constant threat any more and I'm excited about my future, instead of terrified.
Speaking of exciting things, Nepal preparation is going well. I've had all of my jabs, got medical insurance (I kid you not when I say that cost more than my flight from Kathmandu to Delhi), and I've applied for Turkish, Nepalese and Indian visas. My mum also held a coffee morning over Easter which raised an insane £400! Thank you so much to everyone who came along and supported her, made cakes and donations, and sent some really touching cards. It's great to be surrounded by such supportive people; I know you all played a part in keeping my parents strong when the future was looking like a very bleak place.
I'm on a placement block at the moment (Delivery Unit) and it's going brilliantly. I'm on 35 births, so I only need 5 more with 7 weeks of intrapartum placement left. I promised my mentor cake when I reach the magical #40 so she seems as motivated as I am :)
All in all, things are looking pretty good!
Love Emily x
Tuesday 21 April 2015
Sunday 12 April 2015
"A normal reaction to something quite abnormal"
The more astute of you may have noticed it's been a while since my last post. I've spent this time trying very hard to get my head together, and it's been hard. Harder than seeing off meningitis. Harder than 5 weeks in hospital. Harder than learning to walk again.
I don't want to focus too much on negatives; I'm in a happy place now, and I intend to stay here, but maybe if I'd found a post like this a couple of months ago when I was at rock bottom it might have helped, and maybe it might help someone else in a similar position. In brief: I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder, otherwise known as 'shell shock') in February, and I've been having various treatments since. The title of this post - "a normal reaction to something quite abnormal" - is something a therapist said to me, and has helped me make sense of how I felt.
I've worked why I felt so lost after coming out of hospital: it's because there were moments when I didn't think I ever would, and I felt like I wasn't real - like a ghost. For the first 4 months after discharge I'd have a nightmare most nights, always of the same things - being paralysed, having my head held still by a mesh mask for over an hour, an intubation attempt, and bleeding heavily from a loose bung on my central line. These have almost stopped now, and I've reached a point where I'm happy to have survived.
I'm happier, and everything seems to be falling into place. I passed my final OSCE's, I've near enough caught up on placement hours, my dissertation is as good as completed, and I'm on 34 out of my 40 deliveries. In October, if someone told me I'd be in a position to qualify with the group I started my training with by April, I wouldn't have believed them. In fact, I would have given them a damn good prodding with my stick.
In other news, I recently booked my flights to Nepal. I'm incredibly excited now - bring on August!
Love Emily x
I don't want to focus too much on negatives; I'm in a happy place now, and I intend to stay here, but maybe if I'd found a post like this a couple of months ago when I was at rock bottom it might have helped, and maybe it might help someone else in a similar position. In brief: I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder, otherwise known as 'shell shock') in February, and I've been having various treatments since. The title of this post - "a normal reaction to something quite abnormal" - is something a therapist said to me, and has helped me make sense of how I felt.
I've worked why I felt so lost after coming out of hospital: it's because there were moments when I didn't think I ever would, and I felt like I wasn't real - like a ghost. For the first 4 months after discharge I'd have a nightmare most nights, always of the same things - being paralysed, having my head held still by a mesh mask for over an hour, an intubation attempt, and bleeding heavily from a loose bung on my central line. These have almost stopped now, and I've reached a point where I'm happy to have survived.
I'm happier, and everything seems to be falling into place. I passed my final OSCE's, I've near enough caught up on placement hours, my dissertation is as good as completed, and I'm on 34 out of my 40 deliveries. In October, if someone told me I'd be in a position to qualify with the group I started my training with by April, I wouldn't have believed them. In fact, I would have given them a damn good prodding with my stick.
In other news, I recently booked my flights to Nepal. I'm incredibly excited now - bring on August!
Love Emily x
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