My mum recently took me shopping (Corby, it's not as grim as I expected) and we were both very surprised at how poorly prepared we were for manoeuvring my chair around a busy public space, and also the reactions of people we encountered. So, at the risk of being a total keyboard warrior, here is my guide to not being a complete arse around people in a wheelchair.
1. Just act natural
My mum and I went into a generic high street clothes shop. She walked off to browse things which caught her eye; I wheeled myself off in another direction to do the same. The sales assistant asked if my mum would like any help, then saw me in my chair and awkwardly looked away. Leading me nicely on to...
2. Offers of help are appreciated...
I'm the first to acknowledge I am significantly less able bodied than I was a month or two ago. It's a fact, as much as I dislike it. If you see a disabled person struggling to do something, ask them if they'd like help with it - like you would for anyone struggling to do something. Saying "can I help you with that?" is a completely acceptable thing to do, as long as you respect their right to politely decline. Leading me nicely on to...
3. ...Being patronised isn't
Giving a disabled person help, instead of offering it, is probably patronising. Whether it's an 'offer' they declined which you saw through anyway, or saying "let me help you with that/do that for you" or, even worse, diving straight in and doing something for them - it's patronising, so don't do it.
4. I can talk!
I noticed some questions went through my mum. My legs are crap; my mind is not. I know I'm a stranger to the vast majority of people in the world so they're not to know this, but still, I'd find it far kinder if someone overestimated my communication abilities rather than underestimated them. If someone in a wheelchair is unable to verbally communicate but you talk to them as if they can then their carer can step in and answer for them. Doing this gives those who can talk the opportunity to do so, and makes people who can't feel like they're being treated as an individual and no offensive assumptions have been made.
5. Personal space - respect it!
I am at eye level with your crotch. It's not pleasant for me (or you, once you realise what you've done) to have you standing as close to me as you would a person not in a wheelchair.
6. Look where you're going
High street shops are not designed for people at a lower height - fact. In my chair in a maze of clothing rails I am at eye level with the hangers. This means, from the aisles, I'm basically invisible. But once you're in the maze, don't use you're phone whilst you're walking, or push your pram whilst looking over your shoulder, or never look down. There just might be someone you haven't seen who you're about to walk into.
This also applies to people in the street. If I'm propelling myself, I need to be going at a fairly good speed to keep in a straight line (think cycling - it's easier to keep your balance if you're going faster). Therefore, it's not easy to immediately stop if someone cuts me up. I'm sorry, but the onus is on you to not cut me up - not on me to stop for you.
7. Keep your kids under control, but don't control their thoughts
Kids running riot in shops is annoying for everyone, especially if they seem to be running in completely random directions. If you're walking and you can't anticipate their next move, it's fairly easy to sidestep them if they cross your path. Not in a wheelchair. Just control them! However...
As a child, I can remember being with my parents and younger brother in a shop. In front of us was a woman with some form of dwarfism. My brother (probably already pushing 6 foot) asked "dad, why's that woman so short?" and before my parents could formulate a response, the woman turned round and started going batshit (pretty sure that's the PC term) at my dad and brother. I believe the phrase "I'm not an alien, you know" was shouted. She's absolutely right - she's not. But my brother was a young child, he'd never seen a person with dwarfism before, and he was being curious, not malicious. I don't know what led that woman to her reaction: maybe she's had a lifetime of questions and is fed up, maybe she had a crap day and Alex made her reach tipping point, or maybe she was just a grumpy cow. What I'm trying to say is don't suppress children's natural curiosity. If a child asked their parent why I'm in a wheelchair in earshot, I'd explain to them. 'Shhh'-ing them makes them feel they've said something wrong, and is probably going to make them feel it's not okay to ask a disabled person a question again. This might save you future embarrassment, but ultimately just perpetuates an 'us and them' mindset.
Points made, I think.
Love Emily x
No comments:
Post a Comment