"A normal reaction to something quite abnormal"

The more astute of you may have noticed it's been a while since my last post. I've spent this time trying very hard to get my head together, and it's been hard. Harder than seeing off meningitis. Harder than 5 weeks in hospital. Harder than learning to walk again.

I don't want to focus too much on negatives; I'm in a happy place now, and I intend to stay here, but maybe if I'd found a post like this a couple of months ago when I was at rock bottom it might have helped, and maybe it might help someone else in a similar position. In brief: I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder, otherwise known as 'shell shock') in February, and I've been having various treatments since. The title of this post - "a normal reaction to something quite abnormal" - is something a therapist said to me, and has helped me make sense of how I felt.

I've worked why I felt so lost after coming out of hospital: it's because there were moments when I didn't think I ever would, and I felt like I wasn't real - like a ghost. For the first 4 months after discharge I'd have a nightmare most nights, always of the same things - being paralysed, having my head held still by a mesh mask for over an hour, an intubation attempt, and bleeding heavily from a loose bung on my central line. These have almost stopped now, and I've reached a point where I'm happy to have survived.

I'm happier, and everything seems to be falling into place. I passed my final OSCE's, I've near enough caught up on placement hours, my dissertation is as good as completed, and I'm on 34 out of my 40 deliveries. In October, if someone told me I'd be in a position to qualify with the group I started my training with by April, I wouldn't have believed them. In fact, I would have given them a damn good prodding with my stick.

In other news, I recently booked my flights to Nepal. I'm incredibly excited now - bring on August!

Love Emily x