Everything looks like it's all coming together

I'm in very real danger of becoming a proper adult!

I applied for a job back in the Midlands on Wednesday, they asked me to go for an interview on Thursday, I was interviewed on Friday afternoon, and got a job offer on the train home. I've applied for quite a few jobs more because I felt I should, rather than because I wanted to work at that particular hospital. I went to this interview though, and knew straight away it was the place for me. 

There's also talk of me having spinal surgery to try to get a bit more feeling back. It would involve fitting a sort of pacemaker below the level of the lesion to see if the affected nerves can be tricked into working again. It's a pretty big op, so my neurologist wants to give me until April 2016 (18 months post transverse myelitis onset) to see if I make any further spontaneous improvement, and we can see what the most appropriate choice is at that point. 

I'm very happy, and life is great at the moment. I've got 16 shifts left as a student, dissertation results are coming out this week, I'll soon know my degree class, and in 35 days I'm setting off for Africa. It finally looks like it's all coming together!

Love Emily x

Time flies when you're having fun!

I can't believe how close to the end of midwifery training I am! Last week I did my final bit of academic work, and now I'm waiting for results and working flat out as a HCA to fund my elective.

Unfortunately, after the earthquakes in Nepal, I've had to change the destination. Initially I was still set on going - perhaps even more so, given the increased use I would have been. The university got quite anxious about my decision to still go, and eventually flat out forbade me to go on their time. I looked into going on alternative dates so I wouldn't be bound by their decisions, but no insurance company would touch me. I like a challenge, but this was a push - even for me. So, after a couple of strops, I've made plans to go to Ghana instead.

Whilst in Ghana I'd also like to do some teaching at an orphanage in Takoradi. I've built up a stash of pens, pencils, felt tips, colouring books and educational posters to take, but if any of you lovely people wanted to donate something small and light for me to give to some local children it would be very much appreciated.

After I've finished working at the hospital I'm going to explore Africa a bit more... much to Megan's panic. From Accra I'm going to Johannesburg (via Kenya) for a few days to explore the Sterkfontein caves. From there, I'm going to Zambia to be amazed by Victoria Falls (+/-a cheeky microlight flight...) and pick up a safari travelling through Zimbabwe and Botswana - finally ending up back in Johannesburg, and then fly back to the UK.

Not bad, considering 8 months ago I couldn't walk.

Love Emily x

Made A Difference

On Friday I had a fantastic night with some of the girls on my course, and a few of our tutors. It was a black tie dinner for the Made A Difference awards ceremony, which was put on by ARU. Earlier in the year students were given the opportunity to nominate any staff member who had made a positive difference. I nominated Fran, my personal tutor, for the constant unwavering support she's given me for the past 2.5 years.

In September 2012 I had no idea of what was to come, but I was aware I was in very precarious remission from Crohn's disease and dealing with the final weeks of a terminally ill close family friend's life. In 2013 an epilepsy diagnosis came out of nowhere, and the battle against Occupational Health began. Throughout all of this Fran fought my corner and came up with some great solutions to problems which I thought were insurmountable. In 2014 when life threw me another curve-ball and I lost the use of my legs, Fran communicated with my mum when I was too ill to do so myself. Her calmness and confidence that at some point, somehow, we could find a way round things to make me a midwife took the stress of my training away, and let me give my complete focus to learning to walk again. Even after my mobility had near enough returned to normal Fran realised I was too depressed to be back at work before I could admit that to myself, and made that difficult decision for me.

My nomination was read out at the ceremony, and Fran very deservedly won. We rounded the evening off nicely by taking full advantage of the free bar :)

Love Emily x

I've had a pretty good few days!

On Sunday I ran my first 5km since my illness. I did it in an embarrassingly slow time, but 6 months ago I struggled to walk for 50m.

On Monday I was still infected by the running bug, so I entered the London Marathon ballot for the 3rd time. Paralysed to marathon in 18 months would be amazing!

Today, I delivered the prized 'baby number 40'. It's a great feeling knowing I can now go to where I need experience, and that's not necessarily where there's a pushing multip.

Tomorrow I'm going to the Indian embassy to get a visa. It also happens to be my birthday; I'm denying the 25% of a century thing by preparing for the travelling I should have been healthy enough to do earlier in my life.

All in all I'm very happy :)

Love Emily x

Summer is here :)

It looks like summer has finally arrived! I'm finding this great from a pain perspective; I've learned cold weather is my enemy, and I've not needed morphine for more than 6 weeks. On the down side, the temptation to start wearing flip flops and pretty summer shoes got the better of me. I've discovered that not only do I struggle to keep them on, but I'm also getting some pretty impressive injuries on my feet. The sensation in them is rubbish, so the instinct which tells you "this hurts, therefore stop doing it" isn't there any more.

It feels so strange to think 6 months ago I was immobile in Kettering. It's starting to feel like it was a different world - I don't feel under constant threat any more and I'm excited about my future, instead of terrified.

Speaking of exciting things, Nepal preparation is going well. I've had all of my jabs, got medical insurance (I kid you not when I say that cost more than my flight from Kathmandu to Delhi), and I've applied for Turkish, Nepalese and Indian visas. My mum also held a coffee morning over Easter which raised an insane £400! Thank you so much to everyone who came along and supported her, made cakes and donations, and sent some really touching cards. It's great to be surrounded by such supportive people; I know you all played a part in keeping my parents strong when the future was looking like a very bleak place.

I'm on a placement block at the moment (Delivery Unit) and it's going brilliantly. I'm on 35 births, so I only need 5 more with 7 weeks of intrapartum placement left. I promised my mentor cake when I reach the magical #40 so she seems as motivated as I am :)

All in all, things are looking pretty good!

Love Emily x

"A normal reaction to something quite abnormal"

The more astute of you may have noticed it's been a while since my last post. I've spent this time trying very hard to get my head together, and it's been hard. Harder than seeing off meningitis. Harder than 5 weeks in hospital. Harder than learning to walk again.

I don't want to focus too much on negatives; I'm in a happy place now, and I intend to stay here, but maybe if I'd found a post like this a couple of months ago when I was at rock bottom it might have helped, and maybe it might help someone else in a similar position. In brief: I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder, otherwise known as 'shell shock') in February, and I've been having various treatments since. The title of this post - "a normal reaction to something quite abnormal" - is something a therapist said to me, and has helped me make sense of how I felt.

I've worked why I felt so lost after coming out of hospital: it's because there were moments when I didn't think I ever would, and I felt like I wasn't real - like a ghost. For the first 4 months after discharge I'd have a nightmare most nights, always of the same things - being paralysed, having my head held still by a mesh mask for over an hour, an intubation attempt, and bleeding heavily from a loose bung on my central line. These have almost stopped now, and I've reached a point where I'm happy to have survived.

I'm happier, and everything seems to be falling into place. I passed my final OSCE's, I've near enough caught up on placement hours, my dissertation is as good as completed, and I'm on 34 out of my 40 deliveries. In October, if someone told me I'd be in a position to qualify with the group I started my training with by April, I wouldn't have believed them. In fact, I would have given them a damn good prodding with my stick.

In other news, I recently booked my flights to Nepal. I'm incredibly excited now - bring on August!

Love Emily x

I passed my neonatal OSCE!

Today I got my neonatal resuscitation OSCE results and I passed, fairly well. I'm a little disappointed with my result, but the rest of my cohort had an extra 2 months preparation time and didn't do the OSCE with a spinal lesion causing havoc. All things considered, I did well :)

This week at work has been great, and I've been privileged to deliver 5 beautiful babies. I now only need 6 more until I've reached the number I need to qualify which I'm really proud of, especially as all the other people in my cohort have had 300 hours experience than me.

At the moment my pain is well controlled, I'm walking without a stick, I'm loving being back at work, the academic side of things is causing a lot of stress but I'm plodding through it, I'm finding time to see more of friends, and - in general - life is pretty good.

Love Emily x